Spiderweb mind


Every time when I wake up, the first thing I do is to search for my phone to look at the time or my round clock with twin bells from IKEA on my bedside table. However when I reach out for my phone, automatically I will unlock it and head to social media platforms, Instagram followed by Facebook. After that I will just go through some of the menial games I’m currently playing.

Now the thing is, I often go through that routine every time I lift the phone to my eyesight. At times when I was thinking of looking up something or need to use some other app on the phone, I would automatically go to the said social media apps and start mindlessly scrolling down. I keep on going in the social media apps checking, stalking, scrolling, filtering, yet after 10 minutes of doing so, my mind has wondered off somewhere. It becomes a mindlessly action that goes for another hour. Every time that I look at my phone, it is as if I have become a zombie. I don’t think anymore. I am trying to escape my reality.

Every time when I am being left on my own with no distractions at all, my mind will go on a roller coaster ride. This becomes even more prominent when I am being strap down for 20 minutes with no one to talk to or no device for me to shift my attention to. It just takes a few moments of silence before my mind starts to wonder. The most recent concern will be the first agenda to pop up. I go through the question like I am having my own interrogation in my head. Instead of finding answers, I get more open-ended questions. That means more concerns will arise. In actual fact, they are all the answers that cannot be solved on its own. It is not as easy as my just choosing what I want. What I want is going to have this roller coaster running on its own track without stopping at its exit platform. On the other hand, choosing what is supposed to be right, that is the tough choice. If I had to reach that point, it means I need to hit the reset button but all the cache memory still remains.

Every time when my mind wonders off, it will enter uncharted territory, a dangerous territory, like being stuck in a spider web. Yet I am the same spider that is making the web.

Till then, stay sane!

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