I couldn’t function for a day

I was contemplating whether to even put it out here. So here it is because it has been piling up more and more each remarks / comments given. But how do I do it without painting the whole picture in details?

As a whole I feel like I need to be the one to compromise all the time. Even my timing has to fit into other’s schedule and not having one that is my own. It seems like I am the one having to adjust my timing according to the other. Whether I am baking (in which this is something that is therapeutic to me, now when I think of baking, it leaves me a sense of irk.), or moving about in the morning (I’m an early riser), I need to keep in mind of the noise and timing. Like why am I the one constantly moving about your own schedule? What gets to me is that the reasons you give is like I’m affecting greatly on you. Just because I don’t voice out or always let you have your way, you are like making the whole space you own. When you change up your routine, I had to accommodate to it, but when I change mine, I need to give a heads up?

Things are not going your way, you get sulky about it. Well, look around, nobody is getting things going their way too. There is no point to fight back / stand up for myself when you always need to have the last say.

How long more I can live with this? A question that I ask myself.

Till then, stay sane ~ ! (much needed now)

Craving for content

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing that I reach out for is my phone. Not to start scrolling social media apps but to check on what notifications I have because I put my phone on DND (do not disturb) mode. After that I will reach out for my Switch to get the day started for Animal Crossing ACNH. Then my whole day will be just finidng any live streams that I’ve missed or to see anyone that I follow is having any live streams going on. Yes, it’s all about ACNH ever since my obsession start.

I tend to find myself hoping that there will be some kind of content from the people I follow everyday. Here I am wanting to consume others’ content everyday, waiting and searching for them, yet I do not produce any. This got my thinking that I am not making any effort to execute the ideas I have in my head. I am just wishing it would happen with super minimal effort. Of course that’s not how things work. You gotta make effort in order to reap its rewards. You reap what you sow. While I am wishing to be able to create some sort of content and ideas I got inside my head, I am just procrastinating.

Consistency is what I am lacking. I don’t think I have even reach to any level of feeling burnout, not even the tip of the iceberg of it. The only thing I am consistent so far is playing the game everyday for 3.5 weeks now. There is always one thing that I can highlight and eleborate further. Simple things can make my head run wild with thoughts and ideas. Catching that train of thought to pen them down is the challenge. Once the thought has passed, I can’t recall much of it. Should I challenge myself by laying down a plan?

I DON’T think I should do that as I would not stick to it. The reason is there is no end goal reward for me. Like yes, I could think that I am being productive with my time, having some content going on, exercising my skill and in a way improving. Yet, that is still not enough drive for me to do so. I know myself. I know that I am going to be on fire momentarily, after that it will die down then the whole cycle repeats itself.

Till then, stay sane ~ !

Say goodbye

I have done it after months of contemplating.

I was the few that started using the app when it first launched (more like forced to use it due to work). It was fun then as most of the users are colleagues as the company I worked for then created the app. The community then was just us and colleagues from other parts of the world. Slowly as time passed, the community evolved (of course). With the new acquisition of the app to another company and I am no longer with the company, the community within the app has slowly become less relevant to me. I didn’t follow much about the whole saving the app movement and when that happened, the comaderie throughout the period of buying out. I don’t feel strongly attached to the app to begin with as it was just an app that I was required to use. Actually I don’t even feel attached to it at all. It’s just another app for me to use, another platform to update.

I like the concept of the app. I use it to jot down the little random thoughts that goes through my head where the character count is more that what twitter allows. It’s an app where I can straight away type down an incident without waiting till I’m back to my laptop since my phone is always with me. One of the most interesting story I have documented is my public transport journey to and from work. I even have a creepy story from that that the full story is in Dayre. I do think I still have that exported. I might share it here one day, well if I remember.

With the acquisition of the app, it went through a revamp and new functions have been introduced. One of them, the most significant one for me is the subscription fee. I don’t have a problem with that. It just doesn’t justify the money I’m paying while I hardly use the app. I stayed on for a few months just to see how it goes, whether will I open the app, continue to upload consistently, read the stories posted there, just utilising the app. As I’ve mentioned, I became distant to the community seeing that I no longer find the stories or information there relevant to me anymore. I thought I could just see pass that, in the end it is just another platform for me to upload. Amidst the existing ones that are heavily utilised, contents are getting diluted being that I like to segregate my content to fit each platform. In addition, I stayed on dayre even after I left the company is all because of the sticker packs that they have. After dayre has a face lift, the stickers function seems to be non existence in a way whereby there is nowhere to download the sticker packs other than searching for a specific sticker in order to download the whole pack. That’s a bummer. Therefore, minus 1 point for me to continue.

I always need to bring myself back to basics. I feel like I need to straighten out my life every now and then. This quarantine period is one of them moments to throw out what’s not relevant and redundant.

I left the app somewhere hidden from sight for a month or so to see if I would even remember to go in and have a look. Nope, a month was up and I don’t even miss the app. Hence I went to unsubscribe when it was nearing the end of term. Closing in to one month now since I free my credit card off the payment, I don’t miss it nor regret one bit. It’s a wise choice to free myself off dayre. That’s all to the main story of goodbye dayre.

Till then, stay sane ~ !

HELLO!

Where shall I begin with this? Came to WordPress to find out of some new changes that I will need to adapt as anyhow they are changing it starting from 1st June, 2020. There’s no way that I can opt out of this option as I’ve been doing for the past months. Since the last entry, I’ve been on ground for 2 months now from end of March. A few incidents worth highlighting throughout this quarantine / lockdown / restricted movement.

  1. Staying cooped up in the confinement of the house walls for a month.
  2. Ups and mostly downs of living with a flatmate 24/7 for a month.
  3. Up-keeping of my own room.
  4. Creating a routine.
  5. How to maintain my sanity.
  6. Not having to work at all for 2 months as to date.
  7. Buying a Nintendo Switch!

Now that I’m given so much of free time, I can do the things that I have been putting off right? Like making videos, blogging, crocheting. HOWEVER, whenever I plan to do something, it doesn’t turn out that way or it’s gonna be only for a week or two. In a long run, it’s not gonna sustain. I DID managed to workout for 14 days straight and kept it up for another 2 weeks. When I started my obsession with Animal Crossing New Horizons, all workouts and crochet project went out the window and door. A week plus after my obsession, I’ve obtain the hiked price Switch and the game. Yay! From then until now, I’m just playing it day and night, watching videos related to it, watching people stream playing the game, EVERYTHING is just about the game. Well, I can’t go out or visit friends (not that I have ben doing that before this whole fiasco), I’m just feeding my new obsession so much so that I am not improving my skills.

There was a conversation among some people around me. What happens if I am out of my current job, what am I going to do then? My immediate answer that I can go to / think of is to do my crochet project and/or start streaming me playing game. I could also stream live eating just for laughs, who knows what’s that path gonna take me. At this moment, I could live off my savings for a few months, let say 3 month because I don’t want to deplete my whole savings. That would be enough push for me to get my butt to do something to generate some income. Yes, when I’m in my comfort zone, I don’t feel the urge to make things happen. That’s what I am in right now.

Thanks to sgrmse for that constant reminder about this dusty blog site that is sooooooooooo under use. So there’s to you sgrmse, a little shoutout to you for that push I need to come back to blogging, the sound of my keyboards clicking away, putting my thoughts into words, be a little bit more productive in the things that I like.

Till then, stay sane ~ !

I think I will settle down with a beach view

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The beach is my home. I feel so calm and relax when the (cool) sea breeze brushes my face and flows through my hair. I could easily sit by the beach for hours under the shade of course. I’ve been seeing lately on my Instagram feed of a few friends visiting this place back home – Puteh Beach Bar.

Interesting to find out that there is such a place in this little town of mine to chill and Instagram worthy too. It is situated in the beachside area of town which is not too far from my house. The nearest beach is less than 10 mins away. This is farther out from the main town. According to my friend that took me there, the bar is a separate entity from the resort premise. If you know the facts about the bar, do comment down below!

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I spent the whole afternoon there sipping away while enjoying the cool breeze wind blowing. We went there straight after lunch, at 2pm when the crowd is nowhere to be found. I love it when there’s nobody else around. It feels like the whole area is just for me. As 4pm approaches, people started to fill in the tables while some photo-ops sessions going on. I can’t miss out on taking some photos for and of myself too. I think I might have brought out the Instagram boyfriend material from my friend. Only with minimal instructions and guidance, I’m done in less than 10 mins.

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I like this life I’m living now. Can just sit down by the beach, sipping down my cold drink with no crowd and noise. Hopefully, I get to do this still for years to come. If such a life is retirement, I’m retired.

Till then, stay sane!

Spiderweb mind

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Every time when I wake up, the first thing I do is to search for my phone to look at the time or my round clock with twin bells from IKEA on my bedside table. However when I reach out for my phone, automatically I will unlock it and head to social media platforms, Instagram followed by Facebook. After that I will just go through some of the menial games I’m currently playing.

Now the thing is, I often go through that routine every time I lift the phone to my eyesight. At times when I was thinking of looking up something or need to use some other app on the phone, I would automatically go to the said social media apps and start mindlessly scrolling down. I keep on going in the social media apps checking, stalking, scrolling, filtering, yet after 10 minutes of doing so, my mind has wondered off somewhere. It becomes a mindlessly action that goes for another hour. Every time that I look at my phone, it is as if I have become a zombie. I don’t think anymore. I am trying to escape my reality.

Every time when I am being left on my own with no distractions at all, my mind will go on a roller coaster ride. This becomes even more prominent when I am being strap down for 20 minutes with no one to talk to or no device for me to shift my attention to. It just takes a few moments of silence before my mind starts to wonder. The most recent concern will be the first agenda to pop up. I go through the question like I am having my own interrogation in my head. Instead of finding answers, I get more open-ended questions. That means more concerns will arise. In actual fact, they are all the answers that cannot be solved on its own. It is not as easy as my just choosing what I want. What I want is going to have this roller coaster running on its own track without stopping at its exit platform. On the other hand, choosing what is supposed to be right, that is the tough choice. If I had to reach that point, it means I need to hit the reset button but all the cache memory still remains.

Every time when my mind wonders off, it will enter uncharted territory, a dangerous territory, like being stuck in a spider web. Yet I am the same spider that is making the web.

Till then, stay sane!